Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Cook! Who, me?!

Oh, sweet-hearted women of the world.

You women, who compare yourselves to others 
(and by 'others' I mean their shiny candy-coated outside)
and wish wish wish
you were better at X, Y, Z.

I'm not sure this is a confession, so it's really just one of my posts. You know the kind.
I feel that after a few misconceptions, I should clarify something.

I make cakes.

And I would love nothing more than to have these moments with my children:
(If it wasn't for the whining or the insane mess, 
I would have little helpers every time, 
instead of when I can have my mind in the right place.)

But I need to tell you I am NOT a chef.

I am NOT Betty Crocker.
Or Martha Stewart.
Or... Betsy Ross.
(That's for you sewers and quilters) get the point.

I do not cook.
I have never been beamingly proud of my kitchen thingies.
 And I am the very last person who is trying to find a new casserole recipe to whip together for her family.

This is how I want you to see me, while I make cakes...

But in reality, it is so not pretty.
(We're talking pjs, hair in a bun, icing sugar in said hair...)

I hate cooking.
I hate thinking up meals, and spending the time preparing them.
It makes a ton of dishes. 
I actually feel bored of food sometimes. Hey, it's all going to the same place. This recipe has chicken in it, that recipe has chicken in it, it's pretty much the same.

My family has been thriving on veggies (fresh or canned), fruit (only fresh... come on.. canned can be so gross), chicken, potatoes (sliced/mashed/baked... what's the difference?), rice, spaghetti, mac & cheese, hamburgers, chicken nuggets, fries, ...stuff you can microwave... 

Gahhh I love my microwave.
Best. Invention. Ever.
I put it right up there with the iPad on my list of great inventions 
that give mothers time to use the bathroom.

while I may loathe preparing dinners,
I must.

And I married a man who actually likes variety in meals!
Someone creative with food!?
I don't even know what to do with him.
He's way more adventurous in the kitchen than me.
And so,
for the first time in my life,
(okay not the first)
I wished I had shadowed my mother 
in the kitchen more often.
(Betty Crocker'd hang up her apron permanently if she were to compete)

I admit, 
over the years I have had to learn things.
Like sifting, chopping, grating... 
what all this means, 
how to do it wrong, etc.

Occasionally I would want to get all "domestic" and try a new recipe.
I'd get all geared up and excited for it, and sometimes it would be incredible.
And sometimes it would be bland, or boring.
Or not what I expected.
And sometimes... it would be horribly, horribly wrong
And then I would go back to mac & cheese.
And spaghetti.

I have many people I admire for their kitchen prowess...
One of my friends has mastered so many recipes, 
I actually wish I could follow her around her kitchen 
watching her make her (epic!) lemon bars because then, maybe 
- just maybe! - 
I would know why my pressed crust miraculously floated away from the pan 
into the filling and baked all crooked and funny. 
Or why there was a weird foam on it.
Or why it never set.
...I digress.

I've accepted that cooking and me... are not friends.
(I'd compare it to a visit to the dentist, but my dentist is amazing. 
I've honestly never had a bad visit.)

It's ...
well I have a terrible imagination right now.
But you get my point.

I love my husband, and my kids...
...I do shrivel inside a little each time my son demands spaghetti only, 
or requests McDonald's, or pizza.
He swears he's Mario/Superman, and they only eat Italian food.
(McDonalds = not Italian. Just a heads up there.)
Okay, a little dramatic.
SUM UP: we need to branch out

So I'm challenging myself.


<insert here the gauntlet hitting the floor>
(and me with a smashingly awesome twizzle mustache)

I'm going to make new recipes (easy ones..!) and then report here,
on what it was like - as someone who has never cooked before, really -
what my obstacles were, what I did about it,
and whether or not the recipe is really worth trying.

Worth a shot.

So over the next 14 days, I will be making 10 new recipes.
Recipes that I have never made before.


And really, 
you know what?

I challenge you too! 

Even if it's just one new recipe, in one month, or one year...
I'd love to hear about it.

You know you want to.
I know you can do it!

And remember, I'm pretty sure even the kitchen geniuses that we know now, 
burned something, or ruined a meal, or ran out of an ingredient and substituted it with an almost similar but not quite exactly what you needed ingredient instead... 

(No? Nobody? Just me? Okay then.)

Nobody is perfect,
some are just great at hiding imperfections,
and some just practice, practice, practice.

But carpe diem!

I don't cook.
But I will.

Go find an adventure!
I'm starting with enchiladas.


  1. You are an amazing you sense of humor and way with words.

    1. :o)
      Thank you Melynda! I'm glad someone appreciates my verbal explosions. Lol